the saddest summer

This summer has been a downer.  I tried to make it fun for the kids.  I tried to have a schedule and order.  But really, how much fun can it be when you're stuck at home because mom is studying?

We did have swim teams,

 and birthdays,

 

and a little get away,

 and maybe I'm speaking for myself, but this summer was pretty sad.  

I was in a really dark place just before the bar.  I was full of self-doubt, because I knew my studying wasn't what I wanted it to be.  After all, I couldn't go to the library all day like my class-mates, I had to be home with the kids.  And I still had to make meals for them, do the laundry, clean the house, go to the grocery store, plan birthdays, makes cakes, etc.  And even then, I'm sure I would have been fine, but throw pregnancy hormones, tiredness, and not being able to run/ride my bike because of the pregnancy into the mix, and I was a wreck.

I had this dream a couple of times that I was at school doing a bar study course, and the instructor congratulated me for having my baby the day before.  It was then that realized I had my baby, and I didn't even know where it was!  I went to the hospital and my mom was there with my baby, and she was saying "where have you been?!  You haven't even fed her yet!"  Then I'd feed my starving baby, wonder where Gwen and Drake were, and think about how I needed to get back to studying.
Ugh!!  That's been my feeling all summer.

But finally the bar came and went and all I can do is cross my fingers and hope I did well enough.

The second day following the bar, Ryan and I picked up the kids from the McPhie's and headed straight down to Tucson.  He had a conference there, and the kids and I were more than happy to tag along and hang out at the resort.  I needed to unwind.

It was strange how I didn't have immediate relief.  I still didn't sleep the first night (I hadn't had a full nights sleep for who knows how long!).  But the second night, I finally slept for at least 7 hours, and it was awesome.

The kids and I went to the movies, swam, went back to school shopping, and generally just relaxed.

The first night there, we saw this tarantula, and the kids were terrified.  But we looked them up, and learned about them and how they're generally friendly to humans, so after that the kids were on the hunt.  Unfortunately, we only found two more...that were dead.

 But Gwen did find and catch a toad with daddy's help.

 Ryan also put his cheerleading - I mean stunt team - skills to use, and the kids loved it.

 Gwen also finally caught a lizard on our last day.

Unfortunately it was hurt, and only lived a few hours.

Sorry lizard.  Drake cried about it for a good half hour, and couldn't get over how bad he felt for the little guy.

Then we came home, did laundry and met the kids teachers, and like that summer was over.  It's a summer that I'm glad is behind us now.